mystuff

All that he had ever known
Since very young, at night
He lay secure, yet feeling fear,
And dread of any unexpected
Sounds, that through the half-light
Or through darkness so complete
The very Earth could no longer
Be perceived, touched, smelled,
Beyond his reach; nothing
But heard things, to indicate
Extent, size, things outside the limit of his reach,
A crippled child in hospital,
Often in fear, lonely, sometimes scared.
But beneath the blankets, sheets and counterpane,
Warmth usually brought him sleep;
Undisturbed, unless torn apart by dreams
Or sometimes a nightmare's grasp
Might wake him, make him weep
And cry for solace, long to hold a hand,
To hug someone who understood
His need to know comfort, not the creep
Of sorrow’s rising flood, to drown
In salty tears.

When at home, at school, at last he grew,
Began to become a youth, a man,
His narrow bed became his solitary place
Somewhere he could hide his sorrow and his shame,
His one safe refuge where he could dream
Of fulfilling those desires, that in the world
At large, he did deny the need,
He dreamed, of manhood, sporting triumph,
Passionate love, sexual bliss, deep companionship
Things, that in the real world, never would be his.
In dreams fluent, never shy, not rejected, cut down,
His narrow bed enclosed a world beyond reality for him
Save for one thing, it was only that – his world alone.
Decades of years have now rolled by, his narrow bed
In all those years held only him - now all to soon
He must exchange this bed of solitary warmth, blankets,
Sheets, and counterpane for a single bed, of cold and damp.
Soil, his blanket and his pillow, a shroud his sheet,
Turf and later weeds his counterpane,
On which only the rains may greet.
But in that bed of sleep at last alone he will not lie
For worms will pleasure from his body take,
That he cannot share, or know, nor dream about.
In his narrow bed reduced at last to just bare bone,
Under the earth, and beneath the ever changing sky
A man who never truly came alive,
Now dead, forever in his lonely narrow bed will stay

Nothing prepared me for the
pain and degradation perpetrated
on my body;
my body;
my property;
the unwaranted violation of the most
private parts of my body;
of me.
The utter sense of despair and helplessness as somone
pokes at your flesh like some
peice of meat on a plate.
Breaking your ribs,
tearing at your flesh,
pawing at your skin,
invading your body,
tossing you about
like a worthless ragdoll.
All the while telling you lies
of your filth and
your unimportance
which later
you would start to believe.

when it is was over
my first emotion wasn't hate
it wasn't anger or revenge;
it was shear devistation,
self-loathing,
worthlessness,
pain,
for it wasn't just my body that was
attacked ...
it was my soul
my innocence
when they had ripped at my body
they cut away my identity.
I was left with nothing
absolutely nothing
I could see only
nothing.
I had been tossed into
a blackhole
an unending void.
Suicide looked like a definate
possibility.

The hospital
the place you go for help
for healing
or so I thought
and you lay there
and wait
rectum bleeding
skin turning color of
black and blue.
Bones aching
cuts oozing
just like whats left of my dignity,
my pride,
and I'm reminded of my
unimportance.
Sinking farther into that
blackness
becoming part of the
nothingness.

The police
the people you turn to for
protection,
for justice ;
or so I thought.
Bombarded with questions
attacked with inquisition
my mind already realing
with emotion
trying to verbalize,
rationalize.
I go into a tailspin
crashing
a little farther into that hole.
Suggestions,
allegation,
possible impropriety,
How much more can you make me
suffer
reliving events
that I would rather
forget
and now you want me to
take on a burden of guilt.
The final blow
I hit bottom.

Later
when I seek to find
peace,
comfort,
there is none.
As I shower
wishing to remove the filth,
only to find that it doesn't
come clean.
I am branded
I hope that the warm water
will wash away
the memories
but it cant.
The ugliness of their cum-stains
had invaded every pore
Their actions destroyed
my world of hopes and dreams
they disturbed my mind.

Laying in bed
looking for sleep to take you
hoping for its permanence
but it does not come
and I am reminded of my
loneliness
and Iam propelled
through the bottom of the
blackhole
to different world
a reality that was never mine.
I become a breeding ground
for hate.
I hate those who forced me into this
place of evil,
I hate those who could have helped
but didn't.
I hate those who should have
protected me
and could'nt,
but most of all I hate me.

I started to get comfortable
in this new found refuge
of complete evil
and all of my thoughts
all of the energy I was left
fueled my thoughts of revenge,
murder
never realizing
I was killing myself.

I can recall how the sun used to shine
And we would together lay on the grass
A sparkling river trickled next to us
The fresh water was as clear as glass

But then the sun steadily set
The icy strength of winter grew
Our nights got longer and darker
And the cold northern wind blew

Love came and love went
So many tears
So many fears
But don't cry, my love don't cry
You must never forget

Wherever you are and wherever you go
You will always have a place in my heart
Whoever you're with or whatever you do
You will always have a place in my heart

Wherever I am and wherever I go
You will always have a place in my heart
Whoever I'm with or whatever I do
You will always have a place in my heart

No matter the tears between us
Or the endless fears within us
You will always have a place in my heart

I can recall how we always used to smile
And together we made magic every night
Soft, loving and desperate kisses
But I guess the time wasn't right

The nights grew ever lonelier
Love was nowhere to be found
Counting all the chances we lost
Our hearts slowly began to pound

Love came and love went
So many tears
So many fears
But don't cry, my love don't cry
You must never forget

Wherever you are and wherever you go
You will always have a place in my heart
Whoever you're with or whatever you do
You will always have a place in my heart

Wherever I am and wherever I go
You will always have a place in my heart
Whoever I'm with or whatever I do
You will always have a place in my heart

No matter the tears between us
Or the endless fears within us
I will always recall that love in your eyes
The empty answers, hollow dreams and countless 'why?'s
You will always have a place in my heart

I will always recall the love
Never the darkest hours
In you I found the power
You will always have a place in my heart

You will always have a place in my heart

A glance exchanged, with an innocent smile,
your pulse races out of control,
Is it love at first sight, or lustful desire,
the blood in your veins runs cold.

You look once again, to confirm in your mind,
sweat starts to form on your brow,
Was this just imagined, or is there something more,
is it possible to find out right now.

Few words are spoken, but your heart knows the way,
as his hand reaches out touching yours,
Your temperature rises, as your fingers entwine,
and your eyes search each other for more.

The warmth of his body, the scent of his skin,
sends a shiver down your spine,
Your lips find each other and gently carress,
suddenly you have nothing but time.

Undressing each other, as though it were planed,
the passion begins to evolve,
Revealing to each other, all that remains,
the mystery you've wanted to solve.

Heat rages through you, like a hot summer day,
as your bodys merge into one,
Your lips gently kissing, all that's exposed,
your insides burn like the sun.

Tenderly your fingers, probe deep inside,
your bodies swell and receed,
The energy flow, can be felt through the skin,
as your senses eagerly feed.

His body hair brushes, the skin on your face,
as your toung swiftly follows the lead,
Touching and tasting, the sensious flow,
still meeting each others need.

Now your bodies relax, as you welcome him in,
and emotions rage uncontrolled,
For the briefest of moments, you both become one,
and the climax starts to unfold.

As you lye in each other, engulfed in the scent,
all that surrounds you is warm,
Bodies still quiver, from all they've endured,
in the wake of this "Silent Storm".